http://fooeleen.multiply.com/ Welcome to eleen's home page! Thanks for stopping by. Please check out all my pages, and drop me a line to say hi. Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:16:18 -0000 Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:40:12 -0000 http://images.fooeleen.multiply.com/logo http://fooeleen.multiply.com 100 100 SOme photos - random stuff....retro http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/70/-a_RetRo_Experiment- Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:40:12 -0000 - 29th June to 3rd July - it's been quite some time that i had been missing so much, the rush of adrenaline of designing, of working on projects.....sometimes i dont even remember how it felt like anymore....the passion of working in something i believe in....since the start of a new dimension in engineering for me, i have been floating in and out of some serious self doubts...that's why these few days in the congress....had been a major major change for me....to realise again the lost passion....the importance of being self trusting...to believe that little things does matter.....that not everything are 'JUST DEAD LOADS' (i quote from my structural mechanics professor) also...i haven't taken photos for quite some time....to be among so many international architects, designers and students of the design world, listening to architects i have only read about....idolised of.....it all brought back another dimension of me....something deep within that;s been asleep feels like its bee... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/69/wOrLd_CongRess_of_Architecture-TORINO08- Fri, 4 Jul 2008 18:27:07 -0000 today is a day i of walking down the banks of memories.....our past made us who we are now...and also who we will be in the future....there are moments in my life when i thought i will never get thru...but the luckiest thing for me is i always have great people around me no matter how shitty things get....i am grateful for that.... i decided to look at whats in the hidden memories of my harddrive...and found some photos that really made me miss home so much...i have never thought i would be homesick...but the intensity of it empowers me today....its been 9 months i havent seen the faces i love....i wish it is not too late to catch up when i return...i hope its true that friendships last a lifetime... here's some photos i found on random....doesnt mean much to most....to me...it is my world....nodes in my life...will continuously add more.....because there are so many people who touched my life..... cheers to all of u...i miss u http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/67/a_walk_down_memory_lane_-_homesick Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:08:36 -0000 i had given it up - the passion, the adrenaline rush of photoshoots - the flashes...the beautiful sound of the shutter...i had long forgotten... amidst other memories the camera remained sad stagnant with a yearning that soon it's glory will be restored.....it is a shame....a pity.... today i was browsing through the harddisk....trying to delete stuff to free some space...that's when i realised how much i have missed my life before....how empty i am feeling now....so....i looked at some photos i have thrown in a folder - called misc. - photos i didnt like - that wasnt good enough....and i began to look again....and here's some that i think deserve better than being in the misc. folder....i hope u guys like it....tell http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/66/reWorking_-_reNaming_-_reInterpreting Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:31:09 -0000 it's only been a while....love of my life...crushed...by the clumsy me...and this is its http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/65/the_LIFE_of_my_iPHONE.... Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:54:05 -0000 Uninspired....Life's a Bitch sometimes...be honest, deep down inside, we crave drama....something to keep us alive... the annoying class bully, the office affairs, the cold war among bestfriends....the self-inflicted emotional battles...silly fights over non-chalant matters with the boyfriend / girlfriend....<br><br>Can we actually live without the notion of being in one way or another somehow connected to our environment? I think whether we want to admit it or not, we are always reaching out....consciously or not, intended or unintended....that what makes us human...the need to reconfirm our own existence - that's what made us flock in human company....<br><br>For some, more than others, the isolation is too desolate, too intensed, the silence, too loud....the fear for emptiness too strong....but for some others, they stand in pride of the indepence...claiming that they have detangled themselves from the webs of confusion...that they are able to enjoy the independence of being detached...claiming... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/36/whats_the_matter Mon, 9 Jun 2008 13:56:03 -0000 Thank you for making my first new start a cheery one.....<br><br>The day began in the best way.....email from someone i least expected....an old friend who has no msn, doesnt email, doesnt call.....and i thought had totally forsaken me....<br><br>fragments of the email went like this.....made me cry (emo lately)....i really did...it felt good and finally alive:<br>&nbsp;<br style="font-weight: bold;">HER HUMOUR:<br>.......Im seriously not comfortable around so many girls . 90% of my frenz now are GUYS . I think i should go korea n get plastic surgery to grow a dick hahah .....<br><br>HER USUAL NEED FOR JUSTIFICATION<br>....i have no time to go on msn .. too tired after work ... i hit the bed asap. ...i guess i gotta take the initiative to email u first . N trust me i juz newly created this e mail n the honour goes to u for the 1st mail !! <br><br>HER DEMANDING SELF (which i love) <br>Suxs being old .... Come back lar. .. faster .. save me .... or u'll loose a fren like me forever <br><br>WHAT MAde ME CRY....<br>I really miss u .. I miss our talks ... its always good .... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/35/my_first_smile_of_the_day... Thu, 15 May 2008 00:16:17 -0000 I found this draft halfway done, so i decided to continue on it....and publish it before i procrastinate -again-<br><br>so here goes....<br><br>People say friends come and go....the smart ones always protect themselves, and love themselves more....That's the problem with me i guess....In every one of my past relationships...i had to face a choice -is it the boyfriend, or the friends...and in the end, the boyfriend always ended up in the backseat..it got me thinking...are girls not supposed to be able to be good friends? is it one or the other? Maybe it is true....that's why i have more good friends who are guys (and gays) more than girl friends who i can really relate to....<br><br>It hit me recently that some people are just not meant to be friends...i mean, if someone hit on you in the bar, do you expect them to be interested sincerely in the name of your dog, or how many brothers and sisters you have? Maybe in some rare occasions, you can find true friends that way,i did....but sad to say, i have to highli... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/34/-i_miss_seeing_the_laughter_in_your_eyes-because_it_is_real Wed, 14 May 2008 23:42:36 -0000 This is a tribute for lost friendships, lost love, lost time...people who brushed past me, even for a mili- second of my life, people who made me smile when i remember the good/bad times, people who left a mark.....you may not know it....but this is a proclaimation that you mattered, still matter and will always have a place in this little part of me....i call it 'the part that made me - ME'<br><br>Somewhere along the way....we need to take a break and reflect on our life....the paths we took, may it be right or wrong....the people we got to know along the way...the ones we cared for, the ones we hurt...and then i believe that we are our own biggest critic....i hate being judged....i have always despised the feeling of being judgmental to others....but i can't help but judge all my actions / non-actions with no mercy and that sometimes make me break down.....<br><br>It happened....and without me knowing it...eating me day by day...changing me...moulding me into this person i barely knew...i allowed ... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/33/brand_new_ME Wed, 14 May 2008 23:06:20 -0000 unbelievable....it's 4.45 am....i have no recollection of what happened in the past few months...i just realised that winter had left a few weeks ago....birds are chirping at 5am ...the sun refuses to set even way past 9pm....WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?<br><br>i am scared....i have no memories of those months...the mundane days of wasting time, dreaming and sleeping and just doing nothing had made my body mechanism fall into an autopilot mode...i hate the feeling, but somehow i can't escape, i can't hide, and i certainly can't fight it..<br><br>ever felt that way? the dreary feeling of not understanding how you got to point B, forgetting point A, even worse.. dont even remember why you needed to be at point B in the first place.....please somebody wake me from this endless fall, like a dark hole, sucking me inwards....noone to pull me out...i am weak, i am pathetic...i am lost....<br><br>i thought it was the alcohol...but it wasnt...i havent touched even a glass of wine for more than a week...i thought it was studi... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/32/how_did_the_sands_of_time_slip_away Sat, 10 May 2008 02:46:53 -0000 sometimes colours distract us, as lovely as splashes of colours could be, it draws us away and sometimes make us less attentive to the details... i love B&W, tones and shades that pick up each element....when colours are eliminated, we see the timeless forces that make us feel so much more...we are no longer just seeing - we are feeling..... i hope u feel it http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/64/the_CarniVal_in_BW Tue, 29 Jan 2008 11:19:49 -0000 this album - photos of friends who went with me.....thanks for the Great time, shall be updated with http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/62/VeniCe_-_An_AlBum_FOr_Friends_-_ Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:44:08 -0000 There were just too much to see, parades, people and more people... The tradition began since 1268 (says wikipedia) and had been banned and then made its comeback again.....hope my photos can speak more than with words how i feel, being there....just http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/61/Carnival_02_-_A_walk_to_REmeMber Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:53:53 -0000 I had a shocking Sunday....the Carnival has began, in the whole of italy! In Venice, the experience was so intense...i felt i had stepped back in time into the world of classics.....the costumes, the masks...the postures...the glorious joys of looking good... ever thought of how westerners in the olden days would put in so much effort just to put a dress on, not forgetting the hair....the jewelry....what happened to the modern society? are we no longer capable of enjoying the process of looking good? or we just became cynical? well....anywayz...it was such an eye opener for me....took too many photos.... hope u guys like it as much as i http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/60/CaRnEvale_di_VeNezia Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:25:59 -0000 another month has passed....time really flies....this is an update of what i had been up to in december (besides being in class 8 hours a day learning physics and engineering stuff)...just posting some quick shots from my small point and shoot camera which i always have with me:) http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/59/DecEmber_-_in_full_SwiNg Thu, 24 Jan 2008 17:11:13 -0000 -a city, for people, for cars, for buses, for bicycles....all in harmony....art - culture - modernism - beaches - football - shall be updated when i have more time.....come back for http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/58/BarceLona_in_ReTrospectiVe Wed, 23 Jan 2008 23:16:32 -0000 i am going to rush off to class now....woke up late....frustated....i planned to study and study...but i only studied in my head and my dreams.....then i try to make myself feel better by believing...at least i am trying...and at least i feel guilty....so i am making progress....<br><br>and then, i stumbled upon this phrase in my subconscious.......-Believing in ProGress DOES NOT mean believing that any progress has yet been made- &nbsp;&nbsp; it was somewhere at the back of my head....so i checked it up online....sigh...it's another Kafka quote......i dont know why literature is like an old wound....it creeps back at you at most unexpected times.....that's what a good writer can do..jump out at you with his inscribed brainwashing.....<br><br>well...i will try to work on progress - TODAY....<br> http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/30/an_ordinary_day... Wed, 23 Jan 2008 12:45:19 -0000 everything happens for a reason - does it really? <br><br>Yesterday i got into a heated discussion about politics and nationality issues with a hi-bye friend....unbelievably, on MSN....it makes me feel dumb to argue on the internet, with someone i barely know...however i was so furious i was typing like a mad person, and my palms got all sweaty and i was really angry....i vent it all on my poor keyboard.....<br><br>'...i hate Malaysia - i want to get out - you should not come back...' those were fragments of his side of the story.....and he droned on and on and on about how unequal, how unfair, how the Chinese will never get their deserved rights.....so my words ' why do u bother staying then? what do u do besides complaining? do u think in anywhere you will become first class citizenS?' and there he goes again 'i am local here, i am born here, i work harder than most people who has special rights....'<br><br>sigh....when will we stop complaining? the virtues of human beings are totally lost on me...i asked... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/29/the_Poetics_of_Life Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:10:37 -0000 Had been procrastinating for ages....had tonnes of photos waiting to be resized and stored...these ones i just randomly picked from my trip to Barcelona in November 2007 - in Inspiring city, the Root OF Modernism - for me, it is what i have been taught and imagined urban language should be..... -An AmaZing addition to my continuous journey - there is never a time to stop 'seeing' & 'learning'.....i hope you like the fragments of my journey here, as much as i liked them... to be updated soon....so do come http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/57/-BarCelona_in_Squares- Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:24:31 -0000 just found some photos from long time ago...i missed those days....it was taken a few years ago....not exactly top notch quality kind of photos, but somehow it was a time when i really know what passion http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/56/something_old_from_a_life_i_used_to_devote_myself_to... Sat, 19 Jan 2008 18:39:58 -0000 people say life is full or surprises, i have to agree...some time ago a friend asked me if i believed in misfortunes - my answer was no - for me, misfortune is something we blame on when things dont go our way..but when does things actually go our way? do we expect life to be a beautiful path with daisies and sunflowers? will we ever learn to embrace the few bumps and rocks we encounter along the way? <br><br>it is 2008, i began this blog thinking that i should write down what i have done and what i wanna get done...but then, the page remained empty for a long long time....and i figured....i am just not the kind of person who records all that i have done, how much i have spent, what i would do tomorrow etc etc...i had never been that person, why should i try to be that now? maybe it is the air that i breathe in now...<br><br>growing up as a spontaneous, disorganised, chaotic (you get the picture) person, i had tonnes of surprises, adventures and of course many many failures-or should i call it falls.... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/28/a_new_chapter... Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:43:01 -0000 i once wish for a pill<br>a pill that could help me<br>wash away the tears<br>drown away the sorrows...<br><br>if only life is in reverse<br>if only we could see it from the end<br>little did we know<br>how little we really were...<br><br>should we swallow our prides<br>should we fake another smile?<br>tomorrow will come <br>and once again tears will fall<br><br>i remember the snowflake <br>resting in your eyelash<br>that i once lovingly kissed<br>i remember the promises i did not keep<br>taunting me now even as i weep<br><br>if only life is in reverse<br> if only we could see it from the end<br><br>why make it harder<br>when life's gotta move on<br>why question<br>when the answers are obvious<br><br>love is something vague<br>you cant grasp in your hands<br>you cant keep it in a jar<br>like a butterfly<br>it will wither away <br>beautiful for eternity<br>but soulless as a trophy..<br><br>letting go is part of living<br>also a part of loving...<br>when the curtain's down<br>it's time to take a bow..<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br> http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/27/mindless_blah_blah_blah.. Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:28:30 -0000 will he be there to catch me<br>when i fall?<br>will he be the one <br>who sees me beyond my smiles,<br>who knows me truly,<br>and still loves me madly?<br><br>it is not always easy,<br>to love someone with this level of complexicity,<br>it is not always simple,<br>when my middle name spells trouble..<br><br>will he still be the one holding me close?<br>when he glimpses the dark senseless phase<br>will he try to show compassion?<br>through my evergrowing states of oblivion<br><br>sometimes<br>i fear who i am<br>for i am who i fear<br>the most fearful revelation<br>would be to revisit the hidden wounds<br>concealling one's true self <br>is the easiest way out<br>for once truth had been revealed<br>the battle's lost, <br>gone was the self assuring control<br>i struggled so hard to gain....<br><br>i wish i can leave my past behind<br>and follow the path beyond<br>i know it's just wishful thinking<br>for the past makes us who we are<br>affects the present and builds the future...<br>who am i trying to kid? <br>maybe sometimes it's not so difficult to lie to yourself...afterall....<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br> http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/26/misery_needs_company Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:39:31 -0000 life is a long and sometimes winding road...sometimes we see a curve ahead and we hesitate...put on the brakes...other times, we speed up because we are sure and confident..<br><br>it's 4am, and freezing as usual...i am alone...just reminiscing...and i think to myself....if i die tomorrow, what will i regret the mosT? i guess, i would regret not telling my family and loved ones how much i love them, not cleaning my room before i left home....not kissing my dog for one last time.....<br><br>but would i regret anything that i had done? i guess not....i have seen more than what most people had seen in their entire lives...i fell and sometimes i pick myself up, sometimes someone else picked me up, sometimes wounded, scarred....<br><br>i had friends around to lean on, to b*tch with....you know who you are.....i love u all....so if this is my unopened letter to the world, it would be one filled of contentment, and not complaints, as i go on with life, i will fill the pages with fragments of beauty and happiness....... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/25/caffein_overdosed Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:13:15 -0000 a whole new world of whiteness....i am addicted.....big thanks to friends who made this trip possible....and also those who i almost killed as i keep getting out of http://fooeleen.multiply.com/photos/album/55/my_SKI_Experience_-_Passo_Tonale Tue, 11 Dec 2007 23:22:15 -0000 i haven't been writing again...however i do feel so much better about myself nowadays, sometimes i even forget how to be negative....and maybe that's not too bad a feeling...not reading those depressing literature i used to treat like bibles made me a little lighter....however, Kundera said that we would feel uneasy and guilty if we feel light and happy - thats the unbearable lightness of being- i guess i left all my thoughts with all my books and my precious collections back in malaysia....<br><br>my body is adapting to the cold now....november came and went...i had a thrilling time, some are great some are bad....i have my own place now, whenever i get sad, i just look back at the times i spent in that hell hole of a hostel up in the mountains, eating cold tuna from the can, and i will be grateful for the little luxuries i have now....that's how human nature is, we can never be satisfied, and the little voice in us pushes us to want something more, more and more....and then, more.....<br><br>this N... http://fooeleen.multiply.com/journal/item/24/december_came_too_soon... Sat, 1 Dec 2007 12:57:17 -0000